One of the lessons I’ve learned most as an editor (especially of my own writing/podcasting) is knee-jerk reactions and creating from a space of anger or extreme emotion is messy.
Not necessarily bad or good.
But messy.
If you’ve ever left a reactive comment on something posted on social media, and then deleted it afterward, you might be familiar with this.
I originally started this blog with the idea it would be more focused on Adenomyosis. But as my condition has progressed over the years, I found I don't enjoy my writing when I'm in the throes of dealing with it all. Not only is the pain distracting and makes it difficult to concentrate, but I just come across sounding like a grumpy, self-deprecating, angry little gnome and/or my self-esteem is so in the toilet that everything I make or do never seems good enough or worthy of posting.
But this last period, I started drafting this list of things I was grateful for instead. And upon re-reading it now when my period is on her way out and the feel-good chemicals are hitting my brain again, I was even able to edit out some of that grumpy gnome who takes over my writing voice.
6 things getting me through this terrible period:
Despite being diagnosed with Adenomyosis two years ago and living with it for even longer, sometimes my cramps still take me by surprise. I know to expect them during my period so as soon as PMS sets in, I’m usually ready with my heating pad and CBD. But because Adeno affects the uterus all month long, I tend to feel pain and cramps starting around ovulation and lasting through the rest of my cycle until my period ends.
For those who may be unfamiliar with the female menstrual cycle, that’s about 3 weeks out of the month when my uterus is painful and uncomfortable.
We’ll be getting to know one another over the course of this podcast I hope, and in doing so let me give you a bit of a heads up as to what you can expect. Since this blog and podcast is all about following my own creative whims, I don’t always know what type of blog post or episode I’ll want to write, but I can tell you there will be some recurring themes, topics, and even names mentioned. So before we go further, I’d like to introduce you to a few supporting characters you’ll hear about probably pretty frequently.
CW: DIETING, WEIGHT-LOSS
This post is an excerpt from my journal. I got on the scale to see a higher number than I was used to and I found myself spiraling a bit and letting the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee in my head run amok before finally deciding to journal it out and see if there was a logical explanation and get curious about it.
Some Background: I hosted a weight-loss comedy podcast called Hate to Weight where I lost 100 pounds while working with an eating coach and becoming familiar with intermittent fasting and intuitive eating. The show went on indefinite hiatus a few months into the pandemic because my cohost and I decided to go into maintenance mode, plus our time became more and more limited to work on our own podcast.
Excerpt:
For most of the pandemic, I stayed within a certain weight range and even lost an additional 10 pounds in 2021 without really changing much.
Fast forward to June of 2022 and I found myself this morning on the scale looking at a number about 20 pounds higher than this same time last year.
I'm not reacting very body-positive or body-neutral, which is what I've been trying to shift more toward. But I'm not exactly happy to see a much higher number than I’ve been used to since 2020 either. This is the highest my weight has been in 2 years and I'm having some big feelings I'm working through.